Today was one of THOSE mornings. We couldn’t seem to make it out the door without at least one person crying about a lost shoe, the wrong cereal, or not getting to have m&ms for breakfast. Knox wailed all the way from our house to preschool because he just wanted to stay home. Me too, kid, me too. I dreaded driving out of the parking lot, but deadlines at work kept me tied to the office without the freedom to just take a day to be with my kid. So I sit at my desk and I think about all the million reasons I just want to quit this job, but I don’t.
I know that I want to do something different, but as it turns out, I have no marketable skills. Which is ironic, considering I make a living doing marketing. Things I know I’m good at:
I’m a pretty badass swing pusher; I can impersonate the tickle monster like nobody’s business; sometimes I write funny things; and I give really excellent hugs.
I’m basically your everyday gangster.
But so far I haven’t had any luck landing a real job that calls for any of the above skills. Sometimes I fantasize about having a different career, something that’s rewarding and fufilling and something that allows me to be with my kid for longer than the 2 hours between the time we get home and bedtime each evening. Things I have considered so far:
1. Baby name book writer (probably an e-book, or something). I L-O-V-E (capital L) coming up with names. I just can’t seem to convince Brian to spawn more children for the purpose of naming them. I think I’m pretty good at it, too. In fact, I’ve always wondered why professional baby name-r wasn’t a real job, but, if I wrote a book that’s basically the same thing.
2. Seahorse farmer: I am just captivated by seahorses. I imagine I would set up my aquarium farms, complete with aqua sandcastles and shark statues and sell my little friends over the internet or something. I’m not sure if there is a big market for seahorses, and even if that’s a legal trade, but I imagine that it would be a fun and interesting job, and I could do it from home.
3. Kefir grains dealer: Raw foods are big right now, and these grains are quickly becoming a hot commodity. I bought my first batch for my own use off of ebay, and since they continue to multiply over time, it’s a sustainable occupation. I like to think that I could be the Nancy Botwin of fermented foods.
4. Professional pop culture trivia expert: I have a photographic memory. Instead of utilizing this trait for use like medical school, science class, or even statistics, I’ve channeled it pretty hard core into memorizing random facts about celebrities and televised news. I think I could make some extra cash renting myself out as a trivial pursuit partner. Sort of like an escort, but not really. Need an extra player for trivia night at your favorite bar? Buy me a beer! I’m easy. (Part of being an escort, I guess)
5. Curator: I could really play up my hoarder tendencies with this, and I’m not boasting, but I have really amazing taste, especially in things like clothes, home decor, and other stuff that doesn’t suck. Sadly, no one wants to pay a suburban mom with a diet coke and Nutella addiction to tell other people what to buy. So maybe, this should be more like a hobby.
Do you have your dream job? Or do you dream of having a different fantasy career someday? And also, do you need any of the above? I’m available.