My brain is mostly like a giant rave party. That is definitely how I would equate the noise that goes on through the whizzing thoughts and ideas and memories that trickle through my mind throughout the day. I kind of zone in on what I’m doing and block out everything else. My brain though, is always going.
The biggest argument my husband and I ever have is about my accidentally ignoring him when he’s talking. Steam starts coming out of his ears when he asks me a question and I don’t answer him because I’ve completely missed everything he’s said for the previous five minutes. That’s what he gets for trying to ask me something while I’m watching True Blood.
One time he asked me why I was so “simple minded” that I couldn’t stay with him during a conversation.I got upset, because honestly, that’s the furthest from the truth. It’s quite the opposite actually. My brain is handling lots, just not what he’s saying. That made me really mad. I didn’t talk to him for three days. ON PURPOSE.
I always feel like I need to be constantly doing something, like I need to keep my hands and my brain busy. My schedule is really full right now and I was starting to get overwhelmed with responsibilities and deadlines. I worked out a schedule to try to focus on tasks better and hopefully accomplish more without getting worn down and burned out. So last night I had planned to take a break from all work, no writing, no photo editing, no emails, no folding laundry or doing dishes, no craft projects, just time with my kids and a giant piece of anniversary cake.
OMG, you guys, that cake will be the end of me. It’s so good. capital G.
Every few minutes I had to fight the urge to pick up something to work on. A little voice in the back of mind would whisper that I should be working, that there was too much to do and sitting and getting fat off cake was not the right thing to do. Okay, the cake part might be correct. I could have been doing so much with that time,
I could be exercising! Yeah right, I know.
I could organize the pantry! I could scrub the floors! I could color code my closet! I could make a wreath for my front door! I could I could go pull weeds! Nevermind that it’s already dark outside.
I could work on that database for that client. I could work on that story for my part-time job to pitch to the newspaper. Or write another blog entry for my mom, since she’s the only one that reads this thing.
But I said no.
NOPE. I flipped through channels on the TV, finally settling on an old episode of House Hunters (Is that the only thing on television anymore? I feel like that’s the only thing ever playing.)
My brain got louder though and I looked over at the loveseat and could make out a faint orange handprint from spaghetti dinner the other night and I had had enough. So at 9pm I caved and started deep cleaning the couches. It felt so good to be doing something, like finally scratching that itch that you just couldn’t reach. Ahhh.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to shut down my brain. but I do hope to learn how to just let things be. I wish “relaxing” was a more prominent word in my vocabulary. But I think last night was a baby step in the right direction.