In just a short while we will be welcoming our third child into this world. The reality of this development has only recently really set in for us. To say that time flew by since we first saw two pink lines on a pregnancy test is an understatement. I almost feel like I’ve been sleeping for the last 8.5 months and just woke up with an enormous belly and two swollen feet.
There is so much we don’t yet know about this baby and each day I grow increasingly excited to finally meet this tiny person and welcome them to their big brother and sister. Will it be a boy or girl? Will they have brown eyes like Knox or blue like Lux? What will life look like with three little loves to watch after? I’d be lying to say I wasn’t a bit anxious about the latter.
Just the other day I had both kids out by myself in a shopping mall parking lot and when we got back to the car discovered that not just one, but two cars had parked too close for comfort. I managed to get the kids both through one side but my belly and the door opening were just like two ill-fitted puzzle pieces. Talk about a huge round peg in a super small square hole. So I huffed and puffed and gave up on waiting on one of the drivers returning anytime soon. Since it was one of those cold February days and I needed to get home soon I rolled myself into the trunk of my Murano and climbed over the seats to get everyone buckled safely and myself in the driver’s seat. I’d do pretty much anything to get my hands on the security footage of that feat.
After I sat down I took a minute to replay the whole scenario in my head but this time with an infant and a car seat, and even worse, a stroller, and I swore off ever leaving the house by myself ever again. The thought of it triggered a panic attack. A million similar situations have flooded my brain since then, all of them ending in disaster. People with three plus kids swear to me that it’s possible. I’ll let you know what I decide after I talk to my therapist first.
This whole pregnancy has been an act of obedience for my naturally controlling heart. After a year full of serious WTF? moments, we felt the spirit telling us to let go and to trust that whatever was meant to be, would be. We saw so many doors close on our faces, many “sure things” completely fall apart, and possible adventures fantastically fizzle out. It was getting really depressing. I would cry out to the Lord at night in anguish wanting answers as to why He had abandoned us!
And bam, out of the blue… soooooooo knocked up.
His plan became abundantly clear in the way things have worked out for our family since then. I got a much needed break from a dead-end job, our children got more time and attention, and Brian and I grew closer together in our marriage as we walked through this new journey. We’ve formed deeper friendships with those that have shared in our story and I’m thankful to have such supportive and amazing friends in my life.
I am blessed, immensely blessed.
With that I know that the future may be scary, but we will (probably) be fine.
If we can survive 2012-2013 by trusting in His plan then I know we can make it through as a family of five no matter how things change for us.