There are moments in parenting that are really hard. The times when hot sweaty little hands and fingers seem to be stuck like glue to my body. Someone screaming loudly, and no one can ever tell you exactly why they are crying. When closing your eyes is the only escape from the chaos, and even that is abruptly interrupted by someone’s pointer finger in your eye socket. And you lose your temper and yell because that’s the only way to get their attention so they know you really mean it when you tell them to stop. Then your throat kind of burns and you catch your breath and wince at that moment that wasn’t your best and pray they forget and forgive you.
But then there is the good. SO, SO, SO GOOD. The moments of sweetness, when toys get shared, compliments and manners shine through. I love watching them love on each other. The bigs are the best at being big siblings. And Huck eats up all of that attention. I’m constantly amazed that I birthed these little people who are so cool. I love them so much my heart swells, it seriously might explode one day.
If I keep looking at pictures like these, it might be my ovaries that explode, amiright?
Kids are the best. This past week was especially good on the parenting feels.
Nolan got his third degree yellow belt. He’s the smallest kid in his class, with most other five and six year old towering over him, but he’s stuck with it. I’m constantly amazed at how much he’s learned and the discipline he’s shown in class. Watching him improve and getting stronger blows my mind. It’s weird, how parents can sort of have this idea of what their kids can do, and then they go and prove you wrong. I will never underestimate him. He certainly puts his out-of-shape mama to shame with athleticism.
Leah also had her first ballet performance. She’s been in the two year olds class one day per week for about 9 months. She loves it. Her class is on Mondays and she might be the only one who looks forward to the end of the weekend. As you probably imagine, wrangling a bunch of two and three year olds is a lot like trying to herd cats. If cats had bathroom accidents and stuck their fingers in their noses.
I didn’t really know what to expect for the ballet. (Her studio does a full ballet every year in lieu of a recital.) My expectations were low. We were going to call it a win as long as she walked onto the stage at some point. Of course, she killed it.
Let the world know, my child can follow directions. She did exactly what she was supposed to and followed exactly what the company dancers led them to do. Her tiny hands on her hips at the right moment with her toes pointed, each plié done on queue. She was a natural.
I have to admit I got a little teary at both Nolan’s belt ceremony and Leah’s performance. I felt so much pride for my children. From the bottoms of my gut swelling up through my throat it overwhelmed me with joy to see them be amazing and awesome and everything I thought they could be and more. Their little lives have filled me in places I never knew were empty.
And oddly, I am also so much more because of them.